Sure, it was several years ago and you were sitting around watching Toonami and seeing anime in a mainstream setting for the first time and you thought it was cool that it was getting more exposure. Now, years later, some of the people that started watching anime on Toonami have become proper otaku, while some have gone to the dark side. Yes, several of the people who first watched the dubbed versions of Cowboy Bebop and the like on Cartoon Network have gotten older and are now working for the movie studios, and they’re pitching movie ideas based on those animes. Here’s the horror that awaits you soon:
- Cowboy Bebop: starring Keanu Reeves as Spike Spiegel; Keanu Reeves is widely known for his amazing acting that ranges from wooden to wooden, so his rendition of Spike’s complex personality should be exactly like every other character he has ever done.
- Death Note: starring Zac Efron as Yagami Light; given his previous awesome acting roles, you can expect Death Note to be a perky dance musical.
Those are the only two announced so far, but you know that lurking in the minds of movie producers are what other animes they could molest make into movies; here are my ideas:
- K-ON: starring Miley Cyrus as Mio; to make things easier for her to remember while she’s not flashing for a camera off set, they will change the character name to Mioley and instead of it being about a music club in high school, it will be about a girl who is secretly a famous singer. The rest of the K-ON girls will be played by the cast of The Cheetah Girls since Disney won’t want to hire new people.
- Onegai Twins: starring Dylan and Cole Sprouse; let’s face it, there aren’t that many twins in the acting business and the Sprouse twins practically print money! The story will only have to be rewritten slightly…instead of them trying to figure out who is related to who, they will go around solving mysteries!
- Gundam: starring CGI everything; with the success of the Transformers movies in entertaining people that laugh like “duh huh huh huh” and don’t have many brain cells left, Gundam will be recreated using most of the Autobot and Decepticon models, just repainted a little. The changes in story won’t really be relevant as the movie won’t have a story, just lots of things blowing up.
- Evangelion: starring Orlando Bloom as Shinji and Keira Knightly as Rei. The Pirates of the Caribbean movies made tons of money and there’s no denying the on-screen presence of Orlando and Keira, so Evangelion will focus more on their dramatic and tragic love story rather than anything that was in the anime.
- Ranma: starring Lindsey Lohan as the female Ranma and Samantha Rosen as Akane; this won’t really be a movie so much as the standard daily tabloid fights they have.
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