So You Want to Make an Anime?

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A lot of anime is getting pretty generic these days, so much so that just about anyone can make one.  This is a handy little guide about the ubiquitous things that should appear in your Generime:

  • No parents: you can choose yourself whether you want to have them already dead, working in another country, or dying in episode 1.  Regardless it’s important that there are no adults in the house.
  • Childhood friend: “the distance between childhood friend and lover is very thin” is a statement oft regurgitated in every show, so make sure that your Generime has one.  95% of childhood friends are female and are in charge of taking care of the protagonist of the show because…there are no parents.
  • That seat in class: your character HAS to sit about halfway back in the class, next to the window.  This is not an option.
  • Big boobs = that voice: there is only one seiyuu who can do the voice for your large breasted character.  She says “ararara” a lot and is usually the older sister of the childhood friend and pretty dense.
  • Gravity distortion: remember that Japan has a different gravity field for breasts, so be sure to include significant movement with the slightest action.  This is the same phenomenon that causes the male characters to fall, landing with their hands/face on a breast/butt.  It also frequently causes female characters to fall off ladders/chairs and land with their crotch on the main character’s face.
  • Tsundere cuisine: if your main female character is tsundere, she can’t cook.  Don’t argue, that’s just the way it is.
  • Panty shots: put them in every shot
  • That guy: every show has that guy who keeps a database of every girl’s measurements in the school.  It’s up to you if you want him to be mildly attractive but forever alone because he’s so perverted, or he could be dorky, or fat.
  • A-set underwear: every girl, every day wears matching underwear; you can only deviate from this in the case of striped panties (shimapan.)

I hope this is good enough to get you started on your Generime.  Remember that if you don’t think you can manage any sort of story, throw as much Moe into it as possible.