Hero!
There have been very few characters in anime that have made such an impact on everyone’s life as the can of coffee. This seemingly simple can has acted as the Swiss-Army-Knife of relationship fixes in anime. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to say you’re sorry, trying to get together with that special someone, heal someone’s broken heart, or take your relationship to the next level, can of coffee is there for you. The sad thing is that can of coffee is often ignored for all of its troubles; the can of coffee in the scre:enshot for instance just helped a young couple get over their awkwardness with each other, and how was it rewarded? Left on the ground! Hence, I aim to make a list of the shows that have benefited from the help of can of coffee (feel free to chime in with your can of coffee spottings):
- Hatsukoi Limited ep 7
- Boys Be ep 2
- Proposal Daisakusen ep 2
- Kimi no Iru Machi manga ch 30
Posted in Anime
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Tagged Anime, can, coffee
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“Army: No charges to be filed in electrocution” courtesy of CNN; that’s not really stupid so much as an ironic choice of words.
Here we have a collection of headlines that are so painfully, stupid and obvious that they deserve honorable mentions:
“Exercise makes you hungrier” courtesy of CNN
“Gym killer a classic mass killer experts say” courtesy of CNN
“Man blames cat for downloaded child porn” the headline itself isn’t stupid, but the guy who came up with that excuse is.
As the genre of reality television continues to be crack for both broadcast networks and viewers alike, we find that the series are starting to get a little stale and using the same premises over and over. Naturally, I was contacted by many unnamed network executives asking if I could come up with a few ideas to refresh these stale shows. Here’s what I have to offer:
- Deadliest Catch: this would still involve catching things and feature crabs, but in my new, far better version of the show people have unprotected sex with hookers to see who can catch the worst STD.
- Guess Who’s Coming at Dinner?: this show is the standard setting where the family is unaware that they’re taking part in a reality show. The son brings his new girlfriend home to meet the family at Thanksgiving, but they’re unaware that she’s really a porn star until the big meal where she makes sweet love to a turkey drumstick on the table; hilarity ensues.
- Meet Your New Grandfather: this is like most of the other group dating shows where a crowd of stupid people all vie for the attention of one person, but in this case the one person is a 90 year old rich woman and she has to select which of the young gold-diggers she wants to marry and make the head of the family when she passes. This show will be more complicated with the addition of hot bait maids who will try to lure the young man’s attention away and cause him to forfeit his chance at victory.
- Last Man Standing: this will be the survival reality show, but with real weapons hidden around an abandoned industrial complex (aka Detroit) and the last person to leave the area alive wins.
- American AV Idol: this would be a lot like American Idol, but the main difference would be that all female contestants would be auditioning for a part in a Japanese AV (Adult Video.) Singing ability won’t be quite as important as looks and the load bearing capacity of their face for certain male bodily secretions.
- Endless Eight: taking a cue from Haruhi, the object of this reality show is for all of the contestants to do the exact same thing day after day, and the one that wins is the one that can bear it the longest.
Protection!
You get home from school, throw your backpack down, then turn on the TV and watch some of the finest animation the day has to offer and everything is great. Then, a few years later, you look back on some of those shows and find yourself going *what the hell?*
For instance. Thundercats: as their home planet is blowing up and they’re all boarding the escape ship, Jaga tells them all that the planet they’re heading to is different than the one that they’re used to, so their clothing will need to offer them more protection. Thus, he proceeds to hand Cheetara a leotard, Lion-O a onesie, and Panthro gets some of Jaga’s handmade fantasy S&M gear, comprised of a bikini with spiked leather suspenders. Now, while I don’t fancy myself to be a fashion designer, the mere fact that I’m on the internet means that I have to loudly voice my opinion about everything to anyone who will listen; also I’m fairly sure that Hanes briefs and leather suspenders don’t really amount to that much protection against the elements. Not often do you see mothers on the beach saying *oh, Johnny, if you don’t put on your spiked suspenders you’ll get a burn.”
Yo!
And while GI Joe told us at the end of every episode that knowing was half the battle, the rest of the time they spent reminding us constantly that the other half of the battle was training. How? No one in the history of GI Joe ever hit anything with a laser. Sure, they could shoot down a Trouble-Bubble while the pilot parachuted safely out, but they never hit a single person. Also GI Joe is one of the very few military organizations that lets you wear whatever the hell you want. Scarlett is wearing Cheetara’s leotard (infer what you want from that) and you have a random ninja, a guy who dresses in a wetsuit all the time, and a sailor who dresses like he escaped from the village people and talks like Jack Nicholson.
Floozy?
While the cheerful singing of the same song over and over might lull some people into thinking the Smurfs are just a cute and innocent bunch of blue things trying to go about life in their village, I know perfectly well that the song was a demented chant to Dear Leader (aka Papa Smurf.) The Smurfs are either a collection of communists with every person in the village having their own specific task that benefits the greater good (and things only go wrong when someone doesn’t do their job,) or they’re living under the brutal dictatorship of Papa Smurf. You have a Smurf dedicated to cooking, one who has to fix everything, a farmer, and so on…yet no one ever stopped to think of what Smurfette’s job might be. So far as I ever saw all she did was water flowers and cry. I also find it more than a little disturbing that Papa Smurf implied on multiple occasions that he wanted to date Smurfette. She calls you PAPA Smurf you sick-o. Also, never search google images for a picture of Smurfette with safe search off; it’s too weird.
Posted in Anime, Guides
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