You might have noticed that there are a lot of people out there that view their car not only as a means of getting from point A to B, but also as a way of showcasing what complete dickweeds they are. There are a lot of car modifications out there that are quite tasteful and do improve the looks and performance of the car, and there are even more out there that are rolling altars to bad taste. If you wanted to learn how to make your car look horrible, or just recognize if you already have, then this is the guide for you:
The Stereo: This is without question the most essential and easiest way to let everyone around you know that you are a complete jackass. The rule of thumb on buying a system for your car is “does it cost more than the car?” If the answer is yes, then you’re on the right track. People are generally impressed when they see a Dodge Neon or similar low-cost car rolling by with body parts rattling to the time of whatever song you’re listening to.
The Spoiler: The next essential upgrade for your car is a spoiler. Some cars come from the factory with a small spoiler, and if your car is one of these, be sure to add several more spoilers on top of it. Even if your car is front wheel drive and having a spoiler on the back is useless, that’s no reason not to have the biggest one made for your, or any other, make of car. Buying one made specifically for the car can be expensive, so just get a couple of saw horses with a piece of plywood between them, or a park bench and mount that to the trunk lid.
The Stickers: It’s really important that people know what brand your car is, or what brand you want people to believe it is. The best way to do this is by getting giant stickers for the front and back windows, and the sides of the car. If your local Wal-Mart is out of stickers for your car model, just get whatever and put those on. Another popular sticker type is the flames. This will give people the illusion that your late model import is actually capable of going really fast (or that it caught on fire.)
The Exhaust: While a modified, super-loud exhaust system may not actually make your car any faster, it will give everyone near your the opportunity to hear the high pitched whining of your four-cylinder engine. It’s also a great way to let police in the area know that you are driving too fast.
Stick-On Vents: These are generally chromed plastic pieces that you can stick all over your car to convince people that you have a massive engine needing lots of cooling. It’s not really important to put these anywhere near actual engine intakes as they don’t serve any function, so it’s better to strategically place them to let people near you wonder what you’re trying to cool. I recommend putting one on each side-view mirror, a couple near the door handles, a few on the trunk lid, and a couple on the windshield.
So with these easy and quick upgrades for your car, you can improve the value of your car and bring laughter to those around you.
