“Yes, Luke, it’s me…your former lover, Naruto.”

“What are you doing here?” Luke asked, shielding his eyes from the orange glow surrounding Naruto.

“I was tired of it all, Luke.  Tired of people calling me Narutard over and over, so I decided to create my own planet full of people too stupid to mock me.”

“So…you created a planet of Narutards?” Hermione asked.

“No! I…umm…well…I…shut up!” Naruto seethed as he walked over and stood next to Edward who was still stuffing nuts in his mouth.  ”You see, the vampires and the mopey teenage girls aren’t the only ones on this planet, there are also…the werewolves.  I knew people wouldn’t mock me any more after they saw my vampires with squirrel powers, and they’ll truly fear me when they see my werewolves with the powers of beavers!”

“Beavers?” Hermione asked incredulously.

“Yes, Beavers,” Naruto shouted triumphantly.  ”I studied this for a long time and know, for certain, that beavers are the only animal incapable of being made fun of in any way,” he said smugly.  ”I was torn between that and cocks,” he admitted.

“Luke! I can’t believe that you slept with my boyfriend!” Hermione yelled as she glared at Luke and Naruto.

“Oh, whatever Miss “I got tired of hearing R2-D2 go bloop bleep bloop so I set him on vibrate and then tripped and landed on his head.” Luke said while glaring at Hermione.

“All of you stop this foolishness,” said a voice from the mist as Captain Jack Sparrow walked towards them.

To Be Continued…

“Luke,” Hermione said quietly, tears welling in the corners of her eyes, “I don’t want to leave our home….alohamora!”

“Bless you,” Luke said, staring at the bleak horizon of their home-world Vulcan.  ”Come on, Hermione, if we don’t hurry we’ll be late boarding the Tardis.”

Suddenly, from across the great ravine separating them from the blue box of their spaceship, came a booming voice.  ”YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”  Their father, Gandalf, was blocking the way, having erected a barricade of Oompa Loompas.

“You can’t stand in our way, father…alohamora!” Hermione shouted.

“Bless you,” said Gandalf as he set the barricade alight with his light saber.

…To Be Continued