The Completely Safe Eroge

There has been a lot of discussion lately about various things being banned from eroge (for those unfamiliar with the term, eroge is short for erotic game and a lot of animes like Kanon, Clannad, etc started life as eroges.)  One of the games made a number of years ago was a crappy title called Rapeplay which has recently garnered some attention in the international press and has caused all of the Japanese politicians to get into over-reactionary mode and ban everything related to eroge.

Here is a list of everything that they recently banned:

• Rape (including various terms for it)
• Loli (lolita)
• Gang Rape
• Sexual violence
• Cruel sexual play
• Reverse rape
• Shoujo (girl)
• Adultery
• Reverse sexual violence
• Forced
• Group sex
• School council
• Bestiality
• Bondage
• Threats
• Train groping
• Compensated dating
• Incest
• Torture
• Heavy bondage
• Pregnant
• Slave
• Pregnant woman
• Imprisonment
• Impregnation

That’s a pretty long list of things for game makers to cope with and I’m sure that they’re having trouble coming up with game ideas now that Super Bondage Magical Pregnant Slave School Council can’t be made, so I have written a very basic outline for a completely safe eroge.

“Maki and Ken have gone to the same school ever since kindergarten.  After sitting next to each other for years on end they slowly begin to realize their mutual love and affection which has been growing stronger ever since both sets of their parents died.

Maki finally worked up the courage to confess to Ken at the top of the school building amidst the falling sakura petals and they agreed to date.  Most of their relationship was built around filling out mutual consent forms for various stages in their dating.  Ken would decide that he wanted to kiss Maki finally, so he set about working through the long and complicated papers that she and her friends and the class president and the student council and their homeroom teacher and the school principal and the mayor and two member of lower-house had to approve of.

Their love grew and flourished amidst the ink stains and repeated papercuts that all of the paperwork caused them.  They thoroughly enjoyed all of their supervised dates with the government appointed school dating auditor and finally their love reached the point where they were ready for sexual intimacy.

Five years after they both graduated from college and were married they filled out more paperwork and whilst the dating auditor was filming everything to make sure proper routines were followed, Ken and Maki consummated their love for each other in sex.  Sadly, it was immediately afterwards that Maki announced that she had been helping the school council on the day they started dating and Ken was immediately executed.